You keep hoping. Waiting. Holding your breath.
Maybe this time they’ll listen. Maybe this time they’ll care. Maybe this time they’ll finally understand how much they’ve hurt you.
But time keeps passing. And nothing changes, except you. You get quieter. More tired. More unsure of yourself.
I’m sure we have all been there.
There was someone in my life, a friend I considered family. We had years of memories, secrets and support. But over time, the friendship turned into something else.
I felt like I was constantly managing their emotions, tiptoeing around their mood swings, excusing their silence. Always giving them the benefit of the doubt.
But here’s the truth I had to swallow: if they were going to change, they would have.
Why We Wait
We don’t wait because we’re weak. We wait because we remember the good parts.
We remember the soft version of them. The loving moments. The potential.
And that’s what keeps us stuck. We’re not loyal to the person in front of us, we’re loyal to who they used to be.
Or worse, who we hoped they would become.
We tell ourselves, “They’re just stressed.” “They’re doing their best.” “They didn’t mean it like that.”
But change has to come from them. And if it hasn’t yet, it’s time to stop holding your breath.
Waiting Is A Form Of Self-Abandonment
Every day you wait, you’re putting your needs, your peace, your growth on pause.
You’re pouring your energy into a version of the relationship that only exists in your imagination.
You’re having conversations with yourself, trying to rewrite their behavior in your head so it hurts less.
That’s not love. That’s emotional self-neglect.
And I say this with love: you don’t need to keep betraying yourself just to keep someone else comfortable.
There was a moment I’ll never forget.
I had reached out to that friend for the fifth time in a row. No reply. Days passed.
Then they posted on social media like everything was fine. That was my turning point.
Not because I was angry.
But because I finally saw the truth: I was the only one trying.
What To Do Instead
So what do you do when you finally stop waiting?
You come back home. To yourself.
You shift your focus from fixing them to rebuilding you.
Here’s what that can look like:
- Set the boundary. Say what you need. Not for their reaction, but for your clarity.
- Stop chasing closure. Sometimes the silence is the answer.
- Write it down. What did you learn? What did it cost you to wait this long?
- Reconnect with who you were before you started shrinking.
- Surround yourself with aligned energy. People who don’t need convincing to treat you right.
It’s not easy.
You’ll feel guilt. Doubt. Grief.
But you’ll also feel lighter. Calmer. Clearer.
I started spending time with people who didn’t make me guess how they felt.
And you know what shocked me the most?
How peaceful life felt when I stopped waiting for someone to love me better.
You Deserve To Be Met Where You Stand
If someone wanted to change, they would’ve started by now.
If they wanted to understand, they’d be asking questions.
So stop waiting.
Stop explaining. Stop rehearsing. Stop settling for potential.
Start choosing the version of you that doesn’t chase love, but chooses alignment.
You deserve relationships where effort is mutual. Where healing is honored. Where love doesn’t feel like punishment.
And you won’t find that by waiting.
You find it by walking away from what doesn’t.
Share Your Story
Have you ever waited too long for someone to change? What finally woke you up?
Share your experience below.