Ever found yourself constantly checking if people approve of your behavior and decisions? Approval-seeking behavior is something many of us struggle with, even without realizing it.
It’s that little voice inside that craves validation from others, making you second-guess your actions and choices. It affects your mental health, relationships, and even your career. Plus it makes you feel like a doorknob.
In this article, we’ll explore why seeking approval from others can be bad and how to overcome this habit to lead a more fulfilling and authentic life.
Negative Impacts Of Approval Seeking Behavior
1. Increased Anxiety And Stress
Approval-seeking behavior can lead to a lot of anxiety and stress. Imagine constantly worrying about what others think of you. It’s like having a tiny critic sitting on your shoulder all day, whispering doubts and fears.
This worry can make you feel tense and anxious.
The fear of rejection and disapproval adds to the stress. You might avoid taking risks or expressing your true feelings because you’re scared of what others might say.
It’s like living in a constant state of “What if they don’t like me?” This fear can make even simple decisions feel overwhelming.
Trying to please everyone can wear you out, making life much more stressful than it needs to be.
2. Lower Self-Esteem
When you always need someone else to tell you you’re doing great, your confidence starts to depend on their opinions.
It’s like being on a seesaw that goes up and down with every little good and bad comment.
This makes it hard to feel good about yourself just for being you. Instead of having a strong sense of self-worth, you’re always looking for praise to feel valued.
This constant need for approval can leave you feeling unsure and not very confident in yourself.
3. Chronic Self-Doubt
Constantly seeking approval can lead to chronic self-doubt. You might find yourself always questioning your decisions and actions.
No one likes having an annoying backseat driver in your mind, making you second-guess everything you do.
This habit of doubting yourself reduces your confidence in your abilities. Instead of trusting your instincts, you’re always wondering if you’re doing the right thing or if others will approve.
Chronic self-doubt can make it hard to move forward and believe in yourself. There are many times in life when you just have to trust your own gut instinct and go for it.
4. Unhealthy Relationship Dynamics
When you’re constantly looking for validation, it can create an imbalance. It’s like being on a seesaw where one person is always up and the other is always down, and guess what?
You’re usually the one stuck down.
This constant need for validation can also make it easy for others to manipulate you. They might take advantage of your desire to please, making you do things their way.
Don’t end up being a puppet with someone else pulling the strings. This can lead to strained relationships where you feel less like an equal partner and more like a follower.
5. Lack of Authenticity
Hiding your true thoughts and feelings to gain approval can backfire. This makes it hard to form genuine connections with others because they never get to see the real you.
You might find it difficult to build meaningful relationships when you’re constantly trying to please others. People sense when you’re not being authentic and it can prevent deep, trusting bonds from forming.
And truth be told, no one likes a people-pleaser.
6. Resentment and Frustration
You might start feeling angry at yourself for constantly trying to meet others’ expectations and at others for not appreciating your efforts.
This behavior also leaves you feeling unfulfilled and misunderstood. No matter how hard you try, it seems like you’re never truly seen for who you are.
This can make life feel pretty frustrating and empty.
7. Stifled Creativity And Innovation
Fear of taking risks or presenting new ideas can hold you back. When you’re too scared to share your thoughts, you end up conforming to what others expect instead of expressing your original ideas.
This need to fit in suppresses your creativity and innovation.
Instead of making unique contributions, you blend into the background and miss opportunities to shine and make a difference. Your potential to bring fresh perspectives is lost when you prioritize approval over originality.
8. Career Stagnation
Reluctance to pursue personal goals or make career changes can keep you stuck in one place. For example, you might stay in a job you don’t enjoy because you’re afraid of what your boss or colleagues will think if you leave.
This is something that I have gone through many times in my corporate life, especially when I have a good boss and colleagues.
The fear of disapproval prevents you from exploring new opportunities that could bring more satisfaction and growth.
Overreliance on others’ guidance and approval can prevent you from making bold moves. Imagine wanting to start your own business but constantly waiting for friends and family to give you the green light.
This need for validation can lead to missed opportunities and hinder your professional growth, leaving you feeling unfulfilled and stuck.
9. Workplace Stress
The constant need to please superiors and colleagues can create a lot of stress. For instance, you might always volunteer for extra tasks or stay late to ensure everyone is happy with your work.
This relentless effort to gain approval can be exhausting.
Burnout is a common result of overextending yourself to please others. You can quickly become overwhelmed and exhausted when you’re always trying to meet everyone’s expectations.
This leads to decreased productivity, loss of motivation, and even health issues, making it hard to maintain a healthy work-life balance.
Strategies To Overcome Approval-Seeking Behavior
Building Self-Awareness
Notice when you’re trying to get approval from others. Pay attention to times when you change what you do or say just to get people to like you.
Understand what makes you act this way. Think about why you want approval so much.
Being aware of these things is the first step to making a change.
Developing Self-Compassion
Be kind to yourself. Accept your flaws and mistakes without being too hard on yourself.
Focus on improving yourself because it makes you happy, not because you want others to praise you.
Love yourself for who you are, and work on becoming better for your own sake.
Setting Healthy Boundaries
Learn to say no without feeling bad. This is important for your well-being. Put your own needs and values first instead of always trying to make others happy.
Setting limits helps you avoid doing too much and keeps your life balanced.
Cultivating Authentic Relationships
Encourage honest conversations in your relationships. Share your real thoughts and feelings instead of what you think others want to hear.
Build relationships based on mutual respect and understanding. This leads to deeper and more supportive connections.